Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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