Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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