my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
