dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
