Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
