so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
