she was so not down for the gang bang
my phone needs a breathalizer
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
