She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
