he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
