He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
