I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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