Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
