I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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