people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize