Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
