i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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