Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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