he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
