Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
