Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
