Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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