oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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