So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Green mimosas i think yes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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