Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He better not be in your backpack
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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