A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
