Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
