Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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