do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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