Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He shit in the fireplace
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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