What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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