You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
