Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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