Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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