Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
