Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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