he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
