I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
