so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
