youre lurking in front of me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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