Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
