I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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