he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
