no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
