So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Less talking, more tequila
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
