The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
