even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
