Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
