quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
