he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
