No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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