I just made out with a guy for $7.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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